you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
