the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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