$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
