He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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