She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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