I intend to get homeless drunk
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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