So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
