So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Your penis caused this!
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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