You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
