I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
