I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
