you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
