I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
