..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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