we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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