I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
