There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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