double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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