theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
