Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
