i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
