I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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