Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
