Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
