Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
