so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Randomize
