im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
