You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
