Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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