I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
