Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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