Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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