Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
