I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
this will be a night to untag.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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