you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
