Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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