I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
