One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
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