i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
