screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
