Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
