Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Randomize
