The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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