there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
