did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
