I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
So squirting runs in the family.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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