chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
