he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
