I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
It's official drugs can't kill me
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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