I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize
